You've lost that lovin' feelin', Elin?

I feel like Elin on the cover of PEOPLE this week deserves an entry in the blog all to her.  She's earned it, no?  In talking about this issue with friends, we discussed the idea that she should have told her story to a more "respectable" magazine...Vanity Fair, Time, Life...even Ladies Home Journal.  But after some thought...why?  After what he did to her, it's appropriate that she talk to a tabloid.  Fuck him.

In order to slip back into "The Temptation of Tiger Woods", I re-read my May 2010 issue of Vanity Fair...the one that has Grace Kelly on the cover but if you turn to page 156 it has a full 14 page spread dedicated to him and his whores.  There is so much detail and so many women that they actually needed to make it a II part series in Vanity Fair.
 
Tiger, there is no way your wife was staying with you honey.  Sorry. 

Most of these women threw Tiger so far under the bus that it didn't even resemble one of those funny cartoons where the guy gets hit by a car and his little feet are the only thing left sticking out...they threw Tiger, feet and all, under the bus.  I would love to lay out the details for you but it would be too much for me to comment on, there were so many women...so I'll just comment on the one that really annoyed me the most.  Vanity Fair knew that her story was the raunchiest so they put her story first to keep our interest...after her, the article sounds like this...

"I met Tiger in a club and I fucked him"

The hostess, Mindy Lawton (who is NOT cute, at all) tells us that the only thing he ever bought her was a Subway sub.  Yes, hostess at IHOP, you were in love with him and thought you were in a relationship with him.  He made you yank your tampon out in a church parking lot so he could screw you in his car before he went to the "office."  That sounds like love to me.  How tender.  She justifies having an affair with him because she would see Tiger and Elin having breakfast at the diner where she worked.  They weren't groping each other so she assumed he was unhappily married.  I know I can't wait to get up in the morning and fondle my husband at the breakfast table.  Isn't everyone like that? 

Let's get back to Elin, shall we?  At first I was excited to read this issue because I thought that she would give us all some profound reason why he did what he did...juicy details of how she beat the crap out of him with a golf club...intimate details of how their marriage was so loveless that it forced him to go outside of the comforts of home for love and affection.

No such luck. 

As I was reading I was pissed...it's not a skanky article about Tiger...then my anger turned on her.  I thought "Where was her woman's intuition?"  "She is probably a money grubber too!"  "Why did she end the article by saying she is happy to be an American?"  My emotions ran the gamut...then I had a little talk with myself and settled on this...it's a lovely article about ELIN. 

That's right, Tiger...an article about Elin...and NOT how she met/fucked you in a club when you were out with Jordan and Barkley. 

She wants us to know how she felt, how she feels now, how she grew up, how she met Tiger, how she is going to raise her children...I thought it was inspiring.  She wants to set the record straight about NOT hitting Tiger.  She claims she never hit him, with a golf club or otherwise.  I believe her.  I believe one of those filthy money hounds who fuck for coke, jewelry and Gucci bags beat the crap out of him.  She claims she was oblivious.  How sad...we usually are, aren't we?  I can't even muster up any sarcasm because my heart really goes out to her...her and Sandra ...they were publicly humiliated because their well endowed husbands needed constant stroking...so the wife suffered.  Their families.  Their friends.  It makes me think...how easy it is to just say no.  "No.  Sorry, I'm married.  But I'm flattered, thanks."  

Thanks for sharing your story with us, Elin.  I can't wait to see paparazzi photos of you in about a year with your tongue in George Clooney's ear!