The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

On our way to Charlotte last week, I was standing in line at Starbucks, when my 11 year old daughter said to me "mom, can I get this magazine to read?"  I said "sure hon"...I turned around and she was holding up the IN TOUCH magazine with Kourtney Kardashian on the cover, "PREGNANT & ALONE".  I thought to myself "G*d, I love this child."  And then I thought... "oh shit, she's just like me."  If you know me personally, you'll know why I say that...my sass can be a bit much at times.  My Catholic guilt kicked in and then I actually felt bad for agreeing to buy the magazine for her.  I'm such a bad mom, right?  Now what to do...I decided to read it with her to filter any inappropriate content...I mean I had to do my homework for the blog anyway...right?

On the plane, we sat next to each other and fanned the pages.  We talked about:

*why we love The Kardashians
*who wore it better
*why Teen Moms SHOULD be broke
*how cute Kingston Rossdale is
*why Suri's closet is filled with designer duds
*who does Suri give those clothes to when she grows out of them, Goodwill?
*how Lourdes is not the "spitting image" of Madonna
*who did or didn't have a nose job
*who is Lucie Jones and why is she trying to break-up Rob & Kristen (very important to a Twi-Teen)
*what is Rihanna thinking with that red hair
*Dancing With The Stars recycles wardrobe outfits?  Awesome, who wore it better?
*We do not like the new fall hair trend, "the fade"

After about an hour of pretty good quality time with her, I didn't feel so bad about our purchase.  It opened up conversations about what's appropriate to wear, teen sex, make-up; less is more and random other topics that we don't normally discuss.  It turns out that the magazine wasn't that "inappropriate" for an 11 year old.  The whole thing was really about the children of our beloved stars, almost like a step up from a Teen Beat magazine...and you know that Teen Beat is really the onset of our addiction.
 

Enough about me and more about what has been happening lately...and holy crap has there been a ton to talk about, or what?  Of course PEOPLE did not let me down this week.  It has a big ole' picture of Courteney Cox on the cover with the tag line that reads "Why They Split."  In my opinion it should have read "They Finally Split"...isn't David Arquette the annoying boyfriend of our best friend that we've tolerated for 11 years because we love our friend Courteney so much?  This break up did not leave me scratching my head wondering "what happened?"...it was only a matter of time, no?  Thank goodness that she finally listened to us and got rid of him.  He admits to "infidelity and bad behavior?"  Again, didn't we kind of know that already...did he have to admit to it?  Now Court and Jen will be out and about in Hollywood...arm and arm...kicking ass and taking names...I can't wait...kinda makes me want to move to L.A.  I wonder if they are taking applications for new members to their single lady pussy posse...I have a couple of friends that would like to apply!

Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman are "Living Apart"...really...who the hell is he anyway?  I would highly recommend turning to page 85 and checking out the more recent photos of him...he's a fucking fat ass! 

Now Jordan...listen here honey...when your wife is an international singing sensation and former Mickey Mouse Club member...she hob-knobs with the likes of Briteny Spears and Justin Timberlake...you have to put down the cheeseburgers and pick up a tofu burger every once in awhile...I'm just sayin'...get on the treadmill...take the baby Max for a walk...your wife works hard on her body honey.  Lately your style has been sweats, and it seems that you might be boycotting personal hygiene...this picture is not cute...you're only separated...start taking care of yourself and I'll bet she starts taking care of you...if you know what I mean.  winkwink.

Fuck you, Gisele...

Do you guys even want to talk about Lisa Rinna's lip reduction?  I don't.  Know what we are gonna talk about though...Kody Brown and his four wives.  He is under police investigation after "opening his doors" for a reality show.  Uummm...Kody...you should have called me sweety...not for a date, but for some legal advise.  I would have told you not to do it.  I know the money is tempting, but see...even in Utah...polygamy is against the law...and law enforcement teams tend to be irritated by people who thumb their nose at the law...call me crazy...boy, I hope you took some of those dollar and invested in an attorney before your show started.

Now now now...plug your ears because I've been waiting to yell about this subject!  Look at the US WEEKLY!  Are you fucking kidding me?  Who the hell do they think they are fooling?  Us?  I think not!  Jennifer Grey "My Second Chance!"  No pumpkin...it's not...it's your THIRD chance...remember a little sitcom called  It's Like, You Know...oh no...you don't remember...I do, thankfully.  Let me take you back...circa 1999...you played a washed up actress by the name of Jennifer Grey...who couldn't get a job because of her bad nose job...the show was so bad that they didn't even air the last seven episodes that were filmed...which brings me to my next point...what about that nose...she has that fucking bump put back in, didn't she!

 

This week, STAR magazine is the winner...hands down!  There are so many lies stuffed into this tiny little 85 page magazine that is literally took me three days to pour over it and check my facts.  It's those lies that they tell that make this magazine mommy's favorite child.  I love it...lie lie lie.  Michael Douglas is freezing sperm...really?  Courteney has another man...really?  Tom and Katie...it's the end...really?  Oh my gosh...where's my $4.00 I must purchase! 

Oh...and by the way...Laura Dern and Ben Harper broke up this week too...but who gives a shit?